I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
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