remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
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