I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
