Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
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