Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
