He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
