Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
