Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
