YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
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