I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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