A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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