her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
