What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
