listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
