I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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