o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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