Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
