they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
