we have officially lost it.
sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Randomize
