you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
