Grow some girl-balls and come out already
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
