i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
