oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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