i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
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