Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
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