As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Just fell off a train. Bad.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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