i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
