i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
farters have to be the big spoon...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize