this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize