Can Purell be used as lube?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
