His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
