Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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