The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
