I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
