I'm jealous of your bromance
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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