ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
