Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
