my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
