Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
