she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
