Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
