No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Randomize
