he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
