I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
