and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
