This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize