He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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