I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
