Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
