Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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