If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
