May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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