he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
