man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
