And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
Life is so much better after having sex.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
A 12 year old Canadian kid said I was a pussy for only buying a 28-pack. I fit in better in this country.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
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