I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
