Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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