need another drink. this is the easiest way
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
