I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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