Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Randomize
