im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Randomize
