Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
