The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize