There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
