yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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