I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize