Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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