well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
wow bdsm is so cute
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
