What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
